Well, Keith and I found out a few months ago that we're expecting another baby in May. We are thrilled beyond belief. We've always wanted a semi-big family (not Duggar big, but enough to keep things busy and interesting) and we can't wait to meet our newest member. What I haven't told most people though, is that this baby took us 10 months to conceive. True, that isn't very long, but it felt like forever to us.
At the risk of over-sharing, Jory was conceived just a mere 2 weeks after we got married and we were actively NOT trying to have a baby. After getting over the initial shock, we were super thrilled though. With Ryder, we decided to have a baby in August and by September we had a positive pregnancy test. So I just assumed that we were very fertile and the minute we thought about getting pregnant, we could do it.
This last year has been a really hard one for me. At first, we stayed positive and kept telling ourselves that this is normal, that we're getting a little older and that it's going to happen eventually. But after months and months of waiting, I have to admit that I lost my optimism. I just felt that something was really wrong and this wasn't just going to resolve. I felt like my body was failing me and I was angry at it. After the angry feelings left, I just felt depressed. I absolutely gave up hope.
However, there were some good things that came with this trial. For one, I looked at my children totally differently. They weren't just something that my husband and I gave each other, they weren't a deserved right that came along with marriage. They were a gift from God, and I was so so so lucky to have them. Now, really, I always knew this, but I didn't think about it as often as I do now. When I would feel sad or frustrated, I would look at them and think about how grateful I should be.
Secondly, I learned patience. I learned that life doesn't always happen the way you plan it to. Again, I knew this all along, but it was certainly reinforced. I realized that looking to the future can be great, but we can spend so much time looking to the future that sometimes we forget to love the present. It reminds me of Dr. Suess' "Oh, the places you'll go!" book and the waiting room.